Being a parent is the hardest job in the world and that is an understatement! But from the moment you hold your tiny baby in your arms you start to dream about their future. You have high hopes for them, wish them a better life than you had and the love you feel is unimaginable.
Do you remember going to A&E in the middle of the night? The sleepless nights? Cradling them through all their bumps and scrapes? The fear when they are so tiny and have their first illness? The relief when it is was all over because they made it. The antibiotics, the cool wet flannel, the gels, the creams all made them better. We know that whilst their pain is real it is a physical one. One that is obvious to the doctor as it is a physical illness, one that can be healed with medication.
Imagine now, after many months, years even, of struggling with your child, wondering why they are so different from other children the same age, why are they socially withdrawn, why is their behaviour not the same as everyone else? It could be Autism, Dyslexia, ADHD, Dyspraxia, the list goes on. Eventually after months if not years of living with these questions you finally get the answers in the form of a diagnosis.
Imagine as time goes on, your child starts to have thoughts of suicide, they are anxious, depressed, stressed, self harming, unable to feel they can cope with life. How do you cope with that? The intense fear, the loneliness, the dreams of their future shattered into tiny pieces, the unimaginable pain that nobody else around you can imagine. The question then may be, “why us?”
You ask yourself over and over again, “what did I do?” You wonder if you caused this, if you did something, if someone else did this. On top of this you are ill equipped to deal with this. You have no training in this area, so you inadvertently make mistakes. It may wreak havoc on your family life, on your entire world.
You want to protect your child’s privacy so you are very cautious in friends you choose to talk to about it. You may even find you lose some of your friends as they don’t push you to find out what is wrong but instead walk in the other direction.
The not knowing is the worst part. The not knowing if this medication is going to work this time, or whether the medication will bring huge side effects and make things so much worse. You live in a hell of not knowing how long this will continue for. There is no light at the end of the tunnel and you start to wonder if this is ever going to end.
You watch your friends children go through life, experiencing the very things you wished for that tiny baby of yours that you once held in your arms. You measure your child’s successes in a completely different way. You do not care if they go to university or land a top job, you become ecstatic that they are still alive, that they eventually get a minimum wage job, because that to you becomes a huge achievement.
Whilst over the years your child “gets help”, (I use this term loosely) you as a parent get nothing. Imagine what it would be like to talk to a professional who listens to you, does not judge you and holds your hand whilst you go through this unimaginable pain. To talk to a counsellor who has been through this journey herself and can fully empathise and understands from a personal perspective the invaluable benefit counselling holds. Knowing that you do not need to go through this journey alone.
Whatever age your child is they are still that tiny baby in your mind. The one you held, the one you promised you would love and take care of for the rest of their lives. Getting help for yourself is a sign of strength not weakness.
Please feel free to contact me through my contact page if you need to.